just sayin it ain't always easy

Our week has involved fingers, fingers, fingers, drooling, crying and more fingers.... my poor baby is one cranky little bug. He is teething and it's REALLY affecting him. When I was pregnant everyone was like "oh everything will be great with your baby." He'll be the best, then I had Decker and yes he is the best because he is mine, but he was sooooo NOT easy and everything was not "great"! Then everyone said "oh it'll get better" and it took 3 1/2 months for it to get somewhat better. Then everyone said "oh teething is not bad at all", and now we're back to it being bad. My baby does nothing easy and I've come to accept that. I just wish people didn't assume that everything would be fine. It has been really hard and Decker has probably never felt good a day in his life. I feel like because everyone else has good babies that I'm not a great mother. Yes I understand that I have no influence on what is wrong with Decker such as GERD and the teething, but everyone else makes it seem like it's so easy to raise a child and that because it's easy for them it's of course going to be easy for me. It makes me frustrated and somewhat angry. I feel like I have had a much harder time with my baby then most moms, but I could be very wrong and people reading this could get mad for that comment but it's just how I feel. This last week has been one of the worst for Deck and I and it's one of the first times I really wished we lived back in Idaho. I'm glad it's a new week. Bottom line is don't listen to anyone about how "easy" things should be because not every baby or situation is easy. Well now that that's off my chest I do have to say that I love my Decker and I'm hoping that he will be my hardest baby(if I decide to have more right?!?!) He's so sweet and lovable. I couldn't be more happy with my high maintenance baby! he fits right into our family, I mean lets face it, I ain't no low maintenance girl.

This coming Friday my little boy will be 5 months... hmm where did those months go. I am sad that he is getting so big but loving this new exciting phase he's in. He is talking all the time, smiling and laughing, teething(which I don't love), and growing hair! Yay I can't wait to style it! I'm just lucky for my boys!!!
XOXO

to move or.... to move... oh wait it's too expensive!

For a while now Andrew and I have been looking at other cities and states to live in (when I say states I mean New York or Connecticut.) We've also been looking at other places in Jersey. It's just so frusturating because we can only live so far from Manhattan since Andrew has to go in everyday. We love our little apartment and to be honest it isn't little and it's fairly inexpensive for the east coast, but there are a few negatives of living here.... like parking, you have to circle around the block several times and if you're lucky you're able to find a spot on the same block as your house, as opposed to 2,3,4,5 blocks away. There is the resurant right next door that we share an alley way with. They are so noisy all the time when taking out the trash and what not. They wake up Decker due to screaming at each other. Then there is the main street we live on that has horns honking at all hours of the day and night, the garbage truck that comes at 4 am every morning and stops literally 8 times in front of our house since everyone just chucks their trash out from their door. We have no natural sunlight in our house and sometimes it's a little depressing. We have no dishwasher, but that's more of an annoyance then anything. We don't have AC :( The fact that no one speaks English in our community so it's hard for me to make friends and find other parents that want to do stuff. Our front door doesn't work anymore so I've resorted to going around back through the laundry room, you think oh that's not bad but when it's freezing and I have a 30 lb baby/car seat and there is snow up to your mid calf in the back alley so you have to tromp through it.. yeah it's bad! It also takes us about 25-30 minutes to go anywhere. We can't shop at local stores because either you pay super high prices, or you shop with some pretty scary people. To add as of late, the construction upstairs with the banging and the hammering. All while Decker is napping. Awesome.

So now that I've shared the negative I do have to say that I honestly LOVE our actual apartment. It is perfect for us and so beautiful. Hard wood floors, a huge laundry room(which is a big luxury here) Our bedrooms are the perfect size and everything is super nice. Our community is really safe, even safer then Idaho Falls. That's really saying something for the fact that right across the river is one of the most dangerous places in Jersey, let alone the entire country. Every night we get to throw our trash on the side walk and it's picked up in the morning. We have a lot of little parks in walking distances that are beautiful. I have a 2 really good friends here who I love and adore and am super thankful for. We have been experiencing a new lifestyle which opens our eyes everyday. We have great landlords who usually are really good about fixing things asap. We have heat! We have a beautiful kitchen and it's huge. The train is only a mile from our house and it's way cheap from here.

I'm just seriously having a hard time because yes I am missing the suburbs. I'm missing yards, soccer moms, nice people, english speaking people, a normal branch/ward, not sharing walls with people, a driveway/garage, and I'm sure the list could continue but I think you get the point. Everywhere that we actually want to live is just so expensive. I love a few places in Jersey but the taxes are RIDICULOUS! I guess this is the state to live in huh? I just can't figure out why the taxes are through the roof. Then I would love to live in the city but again for a place like this it's just way too expensive and we wouldn't have a car, but I mean really why would we need one with all the transportation. Then it would also come with some of the negatives stated above. There are other places in New York, but they aren't suburban and ahhhh I just don't know. I'm just really frustrated and discouraged. I actually like it here in the East and yes I miss Idaho but I think I would love it a whole lot more could we find a nice little house to live in with actual neighbors. Hmm I'm sure all 3 people that actually read this are probably bored of this post so I thought I'd just vent some of my frustrations. It looks like we'll most likely be in this apartment for a few more years... waaa! I guess that just means no more kids until we move because I am NOT doing the whole parking 3 blocks away with a toddler and car seat for a baby. Ok ok I really am done.

just a picture "update"

Sorry for Decker overload but I always say I'm going to post pictures and then I don't so here are a bunch! I'm not sure if you caught this but the pictures go from youngest to oldest... Decker is 4 months today and the last picture was taken today. Wow where did the time go?
He is starting to laugh and smiles all the time. I'm sooo lucky for this little bug!
XOXO

Test and Dr.'s appts

Can we just talk about this little boy for a minute! Who got 8 hours of sleep due to a certain someone... ME! Thanks to my Decker bug who is now only eating right before I go to bed and then around 4am.. woohoooooo. We decided to sleep train him (and if you have negative opinions about this topic, you can go ahead and keep them to yourself thanks) It was the best decision EVER. The first night he only cried 8 minutes and then was out like a light. He does so good at nap time and he is just getting better and better as the days go on. I am so proud of my little monkey. What a trooper.

This picture was taken on Friday after we went to go get Decker's barium swallowing test and also he had an upper GI test. They were concerned that a muscle that went from his esphogus to his stomach was straight instead of curved. If the test were positive then Deck would have to have surgery. The poor kid was starving and they took forever to get us in but he was such a happy boy and everyone was really impressed that he wasn't crying his head off due to starvation. Well they did the test and he was so good for them. We got to watch all the x rays and live motion of the barium as it went through his body. It was pretty cool. The test were negative and we found out right away from the radiologist doing the test. Luckily that means that Deck doesn't have to have surgery, the downside of this is that we still don't know what's wrong with him. We called the GI dr and he said to up some more of his medication and to add some rice cereal to his already gross formula. it's only been two days since we increased his dosage and we just began the rice cereal today so I hope he does well. We have ANOTHER appointment with the GI dr this coming Friday. Lots of test and Dr appt for only a 4 month old. So back to this pic, it was after the barium study and look at my happy little bug. Honestly for never feeling very good he is so fun and happy. He is starting to laugh which is precious. I adore him!

Well on Tuesday the 15, it'll be one year since we moved here.... WHAT!?!? Where did the year go? I am shocked that it has come and gone sooooo quickly. I am so proud of Andrew for all of his awesomeness and getting a job here. He is so dedicated to DirecTV and has really proved himself in a year. Everyone there is really impressed with him as they should be.
Yes things are crazy here and so different from what I am used to back in the west, but could I ask for a more blessed life, NO WAY. Andrew and I have the best family and friends. We have the best little boy and life couldn't be more awesome.. ok well yes I'd like a drive way but other then that we are so lucky! Here are only a few pictures but I still need to upload a lot from my phone.
XOXO

Long post beware

Wow it's been quite a while since my last blog but here I am back from the west! (and missing it) I was in Boise for a month and during that time I got to spend it with some of my favorite people, my families and friends. It was so much fun and way nice weather compared to here in the east. It was really Decker's first time to always be out and about. He hated the car seat unless someone was back there with him. Well let me back up a little... First of all Decker was a champ on the way there. We were on such a crowded flight due to the snow storms here. I was stuck by the window with 2 males sitting next to me. I was way nervous but he just slept the WHOLE way, what can I say the kid likes to be held. Him and I had so much fun with Grandma and Grandpa and he even got to meet all of his other grandma and grandpa's. My little Deck man sure is a ham. He loves to smile and make everyone fall in love with him. I just love this little boy. We went to the mall a lot and he loved it. He likes all the people and things to see. He also got to meet his cousins who adored him. Jaxon (my oldest nephew) was totally all about Decker and it was so precious to me. He would always say, man he is such a bobble head, or he has the biggest head. (which both are true) but it was so cute. He wanted to babysit and even asked his mom if we could leave Decker with them when we came back home. I was so lucky to have family who wanted to hold him and love on him so I could take a break now and then. I love my family so much. Anyway while in Boise Deck and I both got sick, then Andrew came and he got sick. We made a family trip to the dr and we all had sinus infections.. awesome. We also had Decker's blessing while Andrew was there, and he did such an amazing job! Andrew's parents came and it was so nice to have them there. Also a big treat for us was having my grandpa show up! It was a surprise and Decker Blaine is named after my grandpa Blaine. It was sooo sweet to have him there. (my grandpa is my best friend)

For those of you that don't know, Decker is not the best night sleeper and always has to be held by someone in an upright position, this makes for long nights and long days of naps. I always have a baby in my arms. Well two days before we went home I put Deck down on the couch while I was talking with friend and believe it or not he slept there for 6 hours! ummmm AMAZING! It was like the heaven opened up it's gates and I saw the light. He has laid down and slept by himself from then on, but... he needs to be rocked to sleep so that means even when he wakes in the night he still needs me to rock him to sleep. Also it must have been a fluke that he slept 6 straight hours that one night because he hasn't since. He'll sleep for like 2-3 hour stretches then be hungry. Yes we are still having multiple night feedings. I am not sure how to break this. Yes I have read babywise, yes I have read healthy sleep habits healthy baby, yes I have read solve your child's sleep problems.. and yes some talk about the whole acid reflux thing. (side note, we've been going to a GI dr and Decker is on some pretty heavy medication and really gross formula that smells like cat food(so now our whole house smells like a pet store) but he is doing better, we are going for a barium swallowing study exam this next week to make sure nothing is wrong with his esophagus.)All these books talk about how you shouldn't let babies with these types of problems cry, um yeah so all these books are a little useless when it comes to the "crying it out" method or trying to get him to sleep on his own. On top of that he has a cold. I will say however that we are in a routine which is nice and I think Decker is liking it much better then the chaos that was my life in Boise. Well so if any of you have any advice I would like to hear it. I am literally going crazy with no sleep and no help (for the record Andrew is as much help as he can be but the poor guy comes home around 8 and wants to relax but here I am needing to go to bed so he has to take care of the baby and then he comes and gets me when he's tired which is much later then it should be because he knows how tired I am and then he sleeps some only to wake up at 5 and get ready for work) So there you have our life in a nut shell.
My sweet baby really actually is sooo happy all the time. He is seriously such a trooper, that one! It's not very hard to take care of him just the whole sleeping thing is exhausting for everyone in this house. ok enough about it

So mr Decker is so much fun right now, he loves his fist and they are always in his mouth. I am pretty sure I have an early teether on my hands.
He is infatuated with his daddy, whenever andrew walks in or out of the room decker is staring at him, it melts my heart.
He is on the verge of figuring out how to laugh but not quite got the hang of it.
He loathes the car seat still, even after all that time he spent in it in Idaho.
He likes to try and hold his bottle and hums while eating
He is super ticklish
He smells like cat food ALL THE TIME (as stated earlier)
He likes his crib... finally
He LOVES children
He is still loving his binki
He is 13 lbs, yay!

Well anyways he is the love of our lives and we couldn't be more happy with him. I'll post some pictures tomorrow of our happenings, he is of course waking up and I need to go rock the little stinker!
XOXO

what we've been up to

We've done a lot of eating eating eating... look he loves to hold his own bottle! (or at least try) we're now up to 10 lbs 14 oz.

doesn't quite know what to think of mom and dad taking pics of him in embarrassing penguin hats, but he looked to cute to resist.

WAAAA sad that football is over and we can't watch Boise State anymore

and also last but not least, up to our thighs in snow!

Christmas was kind of sad this year. Andrew and I didn't do really anything for each other or the baby... just one of those hard years. The sweet baby was our gift and what a great reminder of what the holiday season is all about..... Miracles, Christ, family, and love

Just to let you know the GI doc was great. Deck man is on some serious but well needed meds and is feeling 10 million times better. (except now he has a cold) we just can't win at this house!

I am flying to Boise tomorrow and CAN'T WAIT!
XOXO

doctor doctor

My little monkey has not been sleeping very well the last few days(well worse then the previous 8 weeks) I've been trying a lot of different things that the dr has given me along with things that I have looked at on the internet. Nothing has been working...booooo! All he wants to do is sleep and is so uncomfortable that he can't. We are still sleeping in our upright position and I have one numb tailbone. I just feel horrible for him. Then today he has a stuffy nose... awesome.

Last night I had had it and decided that I needed to call the dr again, something had to be done for my little bug. I left a message on her office phone and was hoping she'd call me in the morning so I could take him in today if I had to. Well 11 rolled around and nothing... so I call. They were busy, well duh right! Then 1:30 rolls around.. I call again! (haha I'm that annoying mother) She was still busy.. then 4 comes.. you guessed it, another phone call!!!! The nurses were about to kill me but honestly I didn't care. I had never seen Decker the way he was today. Just tried to sleep and eat. He wouldn't even play with me after eating. He was seriously exhausted from not sleeping for days/weeks. The dr finally called me around 6. I told her nothing was working and the last thing we tried (zantac) made it ten times worse. She told me that it was time I go see a GI doctor.

I am leaving this coming Sunday to go to Boise for 3 weeks and am way nervous that I won't get an appointment to see this GI dr. I have already left a message on their answering machine in case they have an opening.. I'm just really hoping it all works out. I am a little nervous for Deck man and what might happen. I don't think it's super serious but he is such a happy boy when he is awake and suffers threw the night. He head bangs me all night long and will just burst out in tears at the pain. Needless to say no one in our house is getting ANY sleep. (Plus I had to stop breast feeding due to all this craziness) Life has been a little crazy at our house and am hoping that we figure something out for this little guy so he feels better.
Hopefully more to come later!
XOXO